Finished.

I cannot believe, i finished my 6 months internship. I started to miss some people already especially the pastry kitchen because they always give me yummy dessert and yes i love dessert. I don't care i will get fat or what so ever but i cannot imagine i can eat all that. They always make me hungry.

I gonna miss the sales & marketing department too, all the joyful and entertaining from each and everyone. All the hard work pay off too. I gonna miss Intercontinental Singapore!

Christmas is coming in maybe 4 days time and after Christmas, 2011 is over. 2012 is gonna be a blast, new year, new revolution and Chinese New Years is coming real fast. Time to plan, probably taking my bachelor on next year May intake and after graduation on bachelor get a proper job. Oh wait i think is gonna be long, maybe travel? or a part time job i suppose?

Well turning 23 next year in September, need to think already and no more playing anymore. Oh well, i don't wanna think so much now. Think too much just give me an headache, I shall put my hello kitty mask and watch my glee.

one sentence

It's amazing, some people, they just say these small little things, one sentence and it changes the way you feel about them in an instant. Small little words that can hurt you so much or make you fall deeply in love forever. It changes everything, nothing between you is ever really the same again, even if they don't know it.

I want you, and just you.

Sometimes all i really want to do is sit beside you.

I want to watch cheesy and crappy movies with you, and we will laugh at them together. I want to plan things with you, things we'll never do but for some reason just planning them with you is fine with me.

I want to talk to you about everything and anything.

I want to goof around with you and make jokes that aren't funny but we'll laugh nonetheless.

I just want to fall in love with you over and over and maybe at one point we'll get tired of each other, but until then, i want you, and just you.

change

The truth is, I have a bad habit of comparing myself to others. There's always someone with a better smile, nicer clothes, a skinnier waist, brighter eyes, and amazing hair. I put myself down all the time. I can never be happy with the way i look at all. I'm self-conscious and that's probably the number one thing i want to change about me.

deserve better

You deserve someone who loves you with every single beat of his heart, someone who thinks about you constantly, someone who spends every minute of every day just wondering what you're doing, where you are, who you're with, and if you're okay. You need someone who can help you reach your dreams and protect you from your fears. You need someone who will treat you with respect, love every part of you, especially your flaws. You should be with someone who could make you happy, really happy, dancing on air happy.

If i told you i loved one thing about you i would only be lying because i cant say i love one part of you and ignore the rest of you. I love everything about you and to say i love only one thing ignores the beauty of your whole soul. I love everything about you the good and the bad its every little part of you that makes you who you are and to say i love only one thing ignores your whole existence.

#text.

Basically, I wish that you loved me.

I wish that you needed me.

I wish that you knew when i said two sugars, actually i meant three.

I wish that without me your heart would break.

I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake.

I wish that without me you couldn't eat.

I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep.

breaking up

The thing about breaking up is you normally stop talking to each other. So everything's different. You no longer have someone to text all day, or hang out with on the weekends, and the late night phone calls. You no longer have your best friend. For a while, it feels as if the whole life is about to change, and nothing will be the same. It's a sucky feeling.

N: I just remember how it was back then.

A: What do you mean?

N: I mean things change. People change, you changed. We used to talk for hours and now i'm lucky to talk to you for a few minutes a day. You used to want to be with me and now you make it seem like you're always too busy. I remember the jokes, laughs, smiles we shared. And i doubt you remember any of that.

It's amazing how at one point in our lives we will be extremely close with someone and then later they will become a complete stranger. You will pass by them without a word. Without a single acknowledging look. This person, who once knew you so well, who once knew your fears, your desires, your dreams, your past, is now walking right past you, seeing right through you.

Don't waste your time asking why such an amazing thing could happen to you, just let it happen. Don't doubt that you could be love, just let yourself be loved. If you don't believe you're worthy of anyone's time, then you won't be. Take yourself seriously and others will too. 'Why' is such a wasteful question. Why? Because that's the way it's supposed to be. That's the only answer you can have. Accept it.

i'm entirely grateful for you to be mine.

So there we go, I'm completely and utterly in love with you. I could be more cliche and say I don't understand what you've done to me - but truthfully, i know exactly what you've done/what you are doing. You're being you. I fallen for you, everything about you draws me in. I feel sick when the time comes where we have to part, because neither of us are ever sure when the next time we'll meet is, i miss you when you're not there and i crave your presence so often. I wish so much that we could be together more often; you're so perfect to me. I could sit for hours, remembering all the different times we've spent together. Every time I'd turn and catch you watching me with the corners of your lips curled, I didn't even know feeling like this was possible. Of course, now i do. But why did you choose me? It's often a thought that enters my mind. Don't get me wrong, i'm entirely grateful for you to be mind. I just wonder what you think when you see me. I love you so much, it hurts my head. Please don't leave, ever. C

be with you.

I know it's pathetic, but when i look at you, i just think of how much i'd like to cuddle with you. I think about how your skin would feel pressed against mine. I think about how beautiful and lovely you really are. I often find myself wondering if i'm alone in this. I fucking want you. But i don't know where you stand. All i want to do is be with you.

Faster end

Hello people,

Do you miss me? lol guess not. Well been busy, really busy.

Well currently i'm working now, at Intercontinental Hotel which is actually connected to bugis Junction as an interns for 6 months. Been working for 1 month plus, still got like 4 month plus to go. Faster end, so i can continue study my degree.

Birthday is coming another 1 more month to go, i want present!!! hehehe, been saving money for my birthday party. okay not really call birthday party, something like a mini event for my birthday. I need a cake and cupcakes. Like come more i like cupcakes okay lol.

And probably this would be my last clubbing for me, as boyfriend dislike me going there. Been breaking alot of promises but you know girls just wanna have some fun, not like grinding with guys. But enjoy the night, just the girls. Camwhoring, drinking and dancing like nobody business.. omg i miss the girls alr!!!!!

Now i'm sick, can't wake up for work. arghhh i hate been sick, everything i trying to do, just totally got no mood to do. Nicole Koh, can you please recover faster!!!!

what a waste

I love your smile and your mystery eyes.

Your smile is always very cute.

When you laugh, i swear the world stops.

When i think about you, my heart starts to pound faster and faster.

I wish you'd take a chance on me.

I feel that when i with you, i'm safe.

you taught me real love, feeling and touch.

Everything about you is awesome,

Nowadays without you, my heart really hurts like a bitch.

aailyvm

empty.

I hate that feeling when you randomly feel depressed. There is no warning, no apparent reason. It just happens, you feel empty, and you feel hopeless. And you just feel tired too.

as if you never want to move again. Then when someone asks you what's wrong, you can't say because there is nothing that comes to mind. Then you start thinking of what it could be, and you realize just how much is wrong. You know that feeling? Yeah, it totally sucks.

Even if we can't be together in the end, i', glad that you were a part of my life. - Nicole Koh

"Maybe there's something you're afraid to say, or someone you're afraid to love, or somewhere you're afraid to go. It's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt because it matters."

here for you

I'll always be there for anyone who needs me, I'll always be a helping hand or a listening ear. Because I know what it's like to believe that no one cares. I know what it's like to feel alone, suffocated in my own thoughts. I know how just one person can change someone's life. I'm here for anyone that needs me, just to prove that compassion still exists. I'm here for you.

I think i don't look like myself when i'm in the office, like seriously speaking. Because i'm more or less on a vintage kinda person and when i'm in the office, i look like some office lady who looks more mutual. Okay i think i'm abit confuse here, as i don't really know how to describe it but i really don't look like myself and the way i dress from vintage and to like a office lady now. I'm not those girls who loves heels and dresses, i don't wear that often and maybe that's for only clubbing then i wear it. if not i would never wear out cause i just think is not me at all.

Now i am crazy over of heels and dresses, to work or to party. But i really enjoy working at Intercontinental Hotel, i am currently working as a human resource department and mostly my job is doing all the paper work and helping my another colleague too. I really don't mind helping cause i think time pass faster when i'm doing something if not i would be bored to the max.

Today i went shopping with Vicky, and i brought alot of dresses and 2 heels. All the items that i brought is BLACK. Oh, i don't like wearing black too. Really not my style at all, i love colorful tops and bottom. Why my company only allow navy, grey or black, why can't be like other company. Any colors also can. Now currently my wardrobe is black, is like the whole range is in black now. I don't know what to do, if after 6 month of internship loh because i don't think i would wear out anymore.

hopelessly inlove

I want to wear your sweatshirt to bed, watch scary movies with you, talk on the phone until sunrise, sneak out at night to look at the stars with you, play your favorite video game, make you watch chick flicks, kiss you in the rain, go on walks with you, laugh until i can't breathe, hold hands, build a fort and have a snowball fight, sit in front of the fireplace and talk about life. I want to fall hopelessly in love with you.

speak up

It's not easy to state the reason why you fall out of love. Some might think it's just an excuse. Some might actually not believe. Some will blame you. Some might even get mad at you. What they don't see is the fact that it hurts even more to hurt someone who doesn't deserve to be hurt especially when you can't actually state the reason why you've fallen out of love.

And well...

One of the best feelings in life is rediscovering a song you once used to love, with hearing this song you instantly feel the same exact emotions you once felt every time you play it. You even kind of get a flashback and see yourself sitting in your room singing along to this song on replay for hours, and it's only then when you start to wonder how you could possibly forget about this song. How you could even grow apart from something you used to cherish so much.

When i say i love you, i'm not lying.

When you text me my day instantly gets better, when I'm with you I can't help but smile non-stop. You make me so happy, whether you say something sweet, or if you just wave. Everything you do makes me smile, I just love you and I really do.

This is really goodbye

From M to M~

Where did you go, the you who just passed me by and left?

Are you doing fine, at a place without me by your side?

Hoping you'll come back, the times I've waited for you

I'll let it go now, I'll forget you now

The beautiful times we had, they're all memories now

The tears i shed when i missed you like crazy

Hoping you'll come back, time stood stagnant

I'll let you go and leave now, goodbye.

Couldn't you find it, the road that leads back to me?

Should I wait a little while more, should I wait here a little longer?

Hoping you'll come back, I waited all this while

I'll let it go now, I'll end it for real.

My love for you that i held on so tightly, is slowly dissipating

The me that went crazy missing you, is gradually changing

Hoping you'll come back, time has stood stagnant

I should erase it all now, for real.

My love, it ends right here, this never-ending yearning

Stuck in my throat, I couldn't say it

Those heartbreaking words of parting

All my beautiful memories of you, it's leaving me right now

Like falling tears, my love is slowly dissipating

The me that went crazy missing you, is gradually changing

Hoping you'll come back, stood stagnant

I should erase it now, for real

Should erase it now,

I should forget you now, goodbye.

shall say pictures time ^^

Gosh!! who is this girl? Like duh, my bestfriend lah. I love this girl to the max, i can tell her everything and we abit crazy sometimes. We got the same taste in everything like clothes and food. We know each other almost 9 years man, and we are like the happygirl89. :)

oh ps: that's not her kid, is her niece lol and she 7 this year. I know right, she is cute!!!

I think i got the job at Intercontinental Hotel which is located at Bugis. Working under Human resource department, is gonna be tough job but i promise i'm gonna push myself. Ain't quiting the job, i know in this world, there is no such thing is easy job and money don't come from the air. Working 9am to 6pm for 5 days per week, should be okay. I mean awesome, i know i'm gonna push it through.

I am broke seriously, broke until i can't go out at all and i have use my parents money. But i know they won't give me anymore because i'm turning 22 this year and i'm jobless. I'm not rich at all, i stay in a hdb flat and i envy my cousin because she got a huge house and she don't have to work at all. Parents work in a overseas bank and $2000 for them is nothing but for me $2000 is alot to me. But this money won't last forever, is always safe to have a proper job that can stable your life.

wtf, when am i saying all this. As if got people will come to my blog and read.

I don't know when i'm gonna finish my internship, i just know that after 6 months. I want to travel, i need a gate-away with someone and enjoy my life for awhile, then go back to continue my degree. I have a whole lots of thinking to do. ok fine, fml.

honest

To be honest, i still think about you. I always wonder how you're doing or if you're okay. Sometimes, i wonder if you ever think about me but i doubt it. I never really stopped liking you, i only gave up because you did. But just because we don't talk anymore, doesn't mean i don't care anymore.

I wanna be the girl

I wanna be the girl you stay up all night talking to. The one who you can't stop thinking about. The one who can make you laugh so hard you cry. The one who you can talk to about your problems and trust fully. The one who can make you feel better after a tough situation. The one who can brighten your day. The one you can be yourself with. The one who understands you. Yeah, i wanna be her.

What did i do again and why everyone angry at me. I really trying my best to change, and i did. People say that "no action, only just talking". I really want to prove to you that everything i said is true, i will prove to you. Sometimes i break my promises, well i admit i cant compare a person who has a job and i don't. I still ask my parents for allowance but not often anymore and i'm not rich. Seeing you, just makes me happy for some reason but what does it mean because i really don't know. God is not helping at all, the more i do just makes everyone even angry at me more.

Why do i have this emotional thing inside me, that always makes me so weak and i mean i just can't control my tear, i just makes me cry for hours till i have swollen eyes. Sometimes, just because i don't cry doesn't mean my heart won't. Just because i come off as strong doesn't mean there nothing wrong.

powerhouse with the awesome ppl on wed.

I want to learn to start cooking or baking for the person i love but who will kindly help me because i'm afraid of fire, i'm afraid that i will get burned or the food taste like shit. I want to prove that i willing to try even thought i'm scared of this and that but who will willing to help me.

I want to cook something he likes and to prove that i'm not just talking here but here i am proving to you that i<3u.

people msn me or call me please! i'm gonna go read my books now. bored

i'm stress

Wah i'm very stress now, because i quit the current job which was located at 1 Raffles place. Have u heard of 1-Altitude gallery bar, past few days i was working there and the manager is not satisfy me while i'm working and it makes me even more stress because i'm new and i have so much things to learn and remember. Working as a host was not easy, seriously have no experience at all. I admit i'm slow learner and i get emotional sometimes. First day of job was super nervous, people there are nice but they talk to themselves as if i'm transparent to them and i'm little hurt and i didn't really enjoy working there. Boy came fetch me from work, we didn't go home, we end up playing lans at chamber til 5am. Boy send me home, knowing that his tired yet he still come to fetch me. Thanks really appreciate.

My fourth day didn't go so well, i mean when the manager not around, i was working damn smoothly and even the staff there think so too. But when the manager come spot check me, i suddenly get super nervous till i forget everything, and it makes me weak for no reason. He start saying things that i really cannot take it and i almost cry but i didn't, forcing myself not to cry because working is tough and i need to be strong. But when he say the word "i'm not suitable for this job, maybe i might let go of you". This makes me sound like i'm useless in this company, i mean i really did try my best and seriously i'm trainee here, there is so much things to learn yet so little time. I tell myself today would be my last day, i should just end tonight and not coming back the next day. Like seriously, what is the point of coming back since the manager say it so clearly that i'm not "Suitable". Means they cannot wait for a trainee that long enough. He always like to compare me with a Filipino and the feeling suck big time.

So here i am jobless, maybe i should just take the final project because it end faster than interns. 3 months for final project, then compare to 6 months interns. Boy and my dad think i should just take final project but friend thinks interns better because i get to gain experiences. So how, i got this weekend to think about and monday i have to let the school know already. i'm really damn confuse now!!!!!!!

school, interns?

i have been thinking a lot lately, thinking bout my new path. Since i'm turning 22 this year, and i know i'm not getting any younger anymore. Things change, or maybe i could just say everything has gotta change. Been interviewing for my internship and i think i got accepted to this restaurant called 1-Altitude. I have to admit the view is beautiful and i know i haven't start work, i know i will enjoy the job and i hope i will get along with new people.

I may lose this person in the future, but when i say i love you, i'm not lying. Because this is real and my love to you is not fake. Since we are not together now, i know i won't have time with this kinda relationship because i gonna be super busy with my life, as in i'm working and i won't have so much time to spend with.

I really want to continue pursuing my degree and get a real job, as i say before i'm not getting any younger anymore. Maybe after 2 years time, i will have a proper job? shall see?

this song is for u

Im just listening to the clock go ticking

I am waiting as the time goes by

I think of you with every breath I take

I need to feel your heartbeat next to mine

Youre all I see

In everything

I just want to hold you

I just want to kiss you

I just want to love you all my life

I normally wouldnt say this

But I just cant contain it

I want you here forever, right here

By my side

All the fears you feel inside

And all the tears youve cried

Theyre ending right here

Ill heal your heart and soul

Ill keep you oh so close

Dont worry Ill never let you go

Youre all I need

Youre everything

I just want to hold you

I just want to kiss you

I just want to love you all my life

I normally wouldnt say this

But I just cant contain it

I want you here forever, right here

By my side

No one else would ever do

I got a stubborn heart for you

Call me crazy but its true

I love you

I didnt think that it would be

You who made it clear to me

Youre all I need

I just want to hold you

I just want to kiss you

I just want to love you all my life

I normally wouldnt say this

But I just cant contain it

I want you here forever, right here

By my side

SOUL

Friday night i was at soul because i was on a guest list, thanks to my friend Sean. He help me ask his friend. Was with my awesome friends, suppose to have like more than 5 people because i can bring in 10 boys or girls in for free but too bad for some people can't make it. Oh well is okay, there is always a next time. :)

Manage to ask Joseph for discount for the bottle of Martell, $205 after discount! Hell expensive, i mean compare to Holiday Inn is confirm less than $100 bucks. Well i think i'm like the first person to get drunk, and i started vomiting like twice. I can't control it at all, it just come out. Thanks to the love who is taking care of me, without you i think i'm super gone already and i want to apology to the people that came. Sorry that i left first and didn't really enjoy my night, promise to make it up to you guys again. Wednesday phuture!! Ladies night, girls we shall enjoy the night again :)

PS: Sometimes, I’m afraid that I never want to let you go. Because I’m afraid if I do, no one will love me like you did. And I feel so selfish for thinking that. I want to be happy for you but I can’t. And that makes me think that some part of me is really twisted and warped inside.

pictures speak the thousand words.

whatever

Guess i know why already, i know why he don't wanna hear me out cause he already cheated on me too. Go club just to drink i don't believe at all, thanks for spending 8th month with me or maybe less than 8 months cause you have been flying around and when you need me, you call me and when you don't need me, you don't bother to call me. I have decided to move on without him, and i'm still young. I still got a long journey ahead and i know i did the right thing.

I use to love you but i don't think you do cause i mean if you really love a person, you will cool down and at least giving me a chance to explain to you. I know i don't deserve a second chance cause i admit i did hurt you, cause i am too. But since you already cheated on me, there is no point already. I should just give up on you, and one more thing i don't go for guys who are rich. I want to have my own job, have my own saving too.

I love you, C. I cannot believe is over between us. Sorry that i hurt you, i'm hurt too. I cannot control my tears at all, i'm weak and everything i say now, you won't believe me anymore. i'm really sorry, please let me talk to you.

I did something bad and stupid. i'm gonna lose both and i knew it cause it happening to me right now. I know i don't deserve a second chance and whatever i say you won't believe me, right now.

You can't totally blame me, you were away for so long and when i needed you, you was not there for me. So what if you giving me freedom, when i want someone to talk too, are you even there? No, you are not there and who the hell am i gonna talk too, no one. Fuck my tear, keep making me crying non stop, arghhh i hate my life cause is damn sucky.

Just scold me whatever you want, cause you won't forgive me already. Fuck i don't wanna write anymore, cause it hurting so bad and i don't like the feeling at all. knnccb!!!!!!

Topshop, Queen's Couture

Shopping always make my day happy, thanks to my best friend Lela. I wanna thanks to the people that make my day happy, i really appreciate it a lot.

I wanna thanks Kelvin, Leon, Alvin, Shaun and Victor for giving me a better advise.

Total bill for today shopping is 200 dollar, went Cineleisure today and had our lunch at pasta mania, then after lunch we decided to go hereen and guess what Queen's Couture having a 70% sales. Hardly get to see such sales man, i brought a short and is damn worth buying because the usual price for the short was $99. So after 70% discount it was only like $29.70, i mean come on. It hell cheap lah!!!!!

Then we went Top Shop which is at knightbridge area, and i finally brought what i want. Yes is a logo of the USA flag and i love it to the max. I aim very long for this short alr, it cost $79 but i don't care, i mean as long i am very happy with it, i don't bother to think i just wanna buy it. I even brought a tube dress (which is black in color with all the layers, it look simple but it damn nice), i mean i personally think is nice and a fringe usa flag tank and is another tank top i love it very much. Gosh, i kinda fall inlove with the USA Flag Logo. I just buy and i never think much, yes i like the feeling too. So now i'm officially an member of Top Shop and yeah, happy girl now.

Sorry to the people that worried about me too much, i really appreciate it :)

baby say this song is about us.

Starts to make its way to me

The playful conversation starts

Counter all your quick remarks

Like passing notes in secrecy

And it was enchanting to meet you

All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you

Chorus

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go

I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

I was enchanted to meet you

The lingering question kept me up

2 am, who do you love?

I wonder 'til I'm wide awake

Now I'm pacing back and forth

Wishing you were at my door

I'd open up and you would say

It was enchanting to meet you

All I know is I was enchanted to meet you

Chorus

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go

I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

This night is flawless, don't you let it go

I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

I was enchanted to meet you

This is me praying that

This was the very first page

Not where the story line ends

My thoughts will echo your name

Until I see you again

These are the words I held back

As I was leaving too soon

I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else

Please don't have somebody waiting on you

Please don't be in love with someone else

Please don't have somebody waiting on you

Chorus

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go

I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

This night is flawless, don't you let it go

I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

I was enchanted to meet you

Please don't be in love with someone else

Please don't have somebody waiting on you

That should be me!!!!!!

Everybody's laughing in my mind,

Rumors spreading bout this other girl.

do you do what you did when you did with me, does she love you the way i can.

Did you forget all the plans that you made with me , cause baby i didn't.

That should be me, holding you hand

That should be me, making you laugh

That should be me, this is so sad

That should be me, that should be me

That should be me, feeling your kiss

That should be me, buying you gifts (when i start working, first pay definitely is you)

pictures